Is The Pen Mightier Than The Keyboard?

I love to write and always have. When I was younger I always kept several pens and empty notebooks in case creative brilliance decided to strike. These days, however, I seldom write with pens and paper. After I got a laptop, I began to use them less and less.

It didn’t happen overnight. Part of the reason I stopped used pens is because I can type with more speed and accuracy than I can write. My ideas come fast and furious, and it’s hard for me to keep up when I’m writing with a pen. Also, I frequently change my mind about what I want to accomplish with my words. It’s much easier for me to organize my jumbled thoughts in a Word document than to jot them down with a pen. Typing gives me peace of mind; at any point in my writing I can change my mind and start over- and I don’t waste any paper or ink in the process.

I also prefer my laptop because I’ve made some poor investments in pens in the past. More than once I bought a pen that was flashy and attractive, but so much time and effort went to the pen’s appearance that the manufacturers forgot to add ink. Sometimes I bought pens that were fun to use (e.g. some feathery thing with purple ink) but unwise for a long term commitment. I even bought those boring, dirt cheap pens that barely eke out a scribble; I was so desperate to write that the quality of a pen didn’t matter.

This screams “I was desperate and it was available!”

Every now and then I’d find a pen that was functional, practical, and relatively stylish. For a while things would be great. I would create some beautiful writing, pen in hand. Sooner or later, however, the ink always runs dry.

I finally decided my writing shouldn’t depend on a pen. I began using my laptop more and more, and now I love it. At times I want to kick myself for spending so much time and energy on crappy pens, but that would be pointless. Instead I use those experiences to evaluate my needs in a writing utensil.

While I may not need pens, I still like using them. I don’t rely on them like I used to, but sometimes it’s just nice to have them around. Carrying my laptop everywhere can become cumbersome, so it’s a relief to occasionally set it down and write with a pen and notepad. Also, I feel more connected to the words I write when I use pens. Typing is great, but it never feels as personal as something handwritten.

I feel your pain, bro.

Now that I no longer consider pens a necessity, I’m much more selective about them. My first priority is a pen that writes well; that is, the ink flows smoothly and freely. Again, my mind moves fast and I need a pen that can keep up with it. I also want a pen that’s reliable. I can’t have a pen that keeps running out of ink just when I need it the most. Finally, I want an attractive pen that doesn’t go out of style with time. Call me shallow, but I believe the aesthetic quality of a pen should match the aesthetic quality of my writing. I may be a naturally gifted writer, but I still push myself to make good writing great. I don’t need a pen that’s fancy or expensive, but it should catch my eye and hold my interest.

A lot of people tell me I’m too picky about pens. Maybe I am, but screw societal pressure; I’m in no rush to find the perfect pen. I have my trusty laptop, so I don’t actively shop for pens. I simply keep my mind open and my eyes peeled.

That being said, everyone has different experiences and preferences when it comes to writing. It’s perfectly fine to say, “Pens just aren’t for me.” What’s not fine is going off on a belligerent tirade about how much pens suck, or that pens are a recipe for writer’s block, or that it’s stupid and impractical for people to try and find one pen to use for the rest of their lives. Your anti-pen crusade doesn’t make you look like an enlightened guru; it makes you look like a condescending asshole.

My advice? Stop worrying about the tools you use and focus instead on writing something that makes you proud.

You see, Stephenie Meyer, it’s not about Team Pen or Team Laptop; it’s about quality writing… which your books notably lack.

Dear Friends in Relationships: We Need to Talk

Dear Friends in Relationships,

Hello, dear friends! I hope everything is just peachy down at Lovers Lane. Since I have your attention, there are a few things I need to discuss with you.

1.      Stop setting me up with your single friends.

I hate when my friends decide they’re Yenta the Matchmaker just because I’m single and they know a guy who is too. First of all, my matchmaker friends almost never ask me if I’d like to be set up with Single Guy. The answer is no, by the way.

I hate blind dates because they feel like a job interview… that your mom forced you to go to. The worst is when friends try to hook you up with someone who has nothing in common with me. “He’s single” and “he’s cute” do not qualify him as an appropriate match, because if he doesn’t get sarcasm or hates puppies, we’re just not going to have chemistry.

Exception: If you happen to know a single guy with similar interests as me, cool. I still don’t want to be set up. Instead of putting me on the spot, just invite both of us to the next party you host and introduce us. Don’t project your own fantasies of our whirlwind romance, double dates, and weddings onto either of us- it just makes things weird.

2.      If I wanted to be in the middle of your fights, I would throw a punch.

This especially goes out to my friends who are dating each other: I’m not your psychiatrist, and I’m sure as hell not getting paid. I beg you, stop expecting me to diffuse your drunken bar fights. Stop coming to me and saying, “Don’t tell (name) I said this, but…” and then dive into a rampage about your significant other. It’s awkward because no matter what I say, I feel like I’m betraying the other person just by talking behind his or her back. I don’t want to be a third wheel in your relationship. If I did, wouldn’t that be a huge red flag?

3.      Don’t ask for my advice if you don’t really want it.

It’s your life. I’m not going to tell you who to date, love, or marry. At the same time, don’t ask me for my opinion if you don’t want it. I’m not saying you have to agree with my opinion (again, it’s your life), but don’t get angry or defensive when you don’t like what I have to say.

If you text your boyfriend or girlfriend 60 times a day, then sob to me that he/she called you “needy and jealous,” then ask me what I think, don’t expect me to laud your unhealthy behavior.  I’m a big supporter of tough love and brutal honesty, but I also am careful to avoid criticism that isn’t constructive.

Also, don’t mock my advice because I lack “experience” in relationships. It doesn’t change the fact that you text your boyfriend/girlfriend 60 times a day.

4.      Please don’t gush about how excited you are to double date with another couple.

Maybe this is just me whining, but I think it’s a little tactless to be prattling on about something I obviously won’t be a part of. It’s not that I want to be invited to tag along as a Fifth Wheel- believe me. It just never feels good to be automatically excluded from an event or activity based on something as trivial as whether or not I’m dating someone.

I know you’re just excited. I’m not asking you to abstain from double dates. I’d just appreciate a little discretion.

5.      Don’t feel sorry for me because I’m single.

Don’t feel sorry, because I’m not sorry. I love being single. I love my independence and freedom. I love being able to focus on my own personal growth. And most importantly, I don’t equate being single to being alone. One day I may be ready for a relationship, but I’m not now. So please, dear friends, don’t set me up on any more blind dates, because the guys you pick are just terrible.